The Real World: Cincinnati

The Cincinnati Bengals have signed Terrell Owens to a one-year contract, which means he will be sharing the ball with fellow wide receiver turned VH1 reality TV star, Chad Ochocinco. Both players have been known for their elaborate celebrations, catchy nicknames and selfish antics. The two biggest divas in NFL history on the same team could be a bigger reality show than The T.O. Show and Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch combined.

In San Francisco, T.O. established himself as one of the most talented receivers in the NFL, while also developing a reputation for dropping very catchable passes. He developed an even worse reputation for tearing apart teams from the inside: publicly bashing his quarterbacks and management even after successful seasons.

This reputation got worse and worse in Philadelphia and Dallas, where T.O. put up huge numbers for contending teams, but eventually became a villain of the organizations. Once again his attacks were focused on quarterbacks and management, despite the fact that his relationships with Donovan McNabb, Tony Romo and Jerry Jones started out great.

Last year, T.O. put up career low numbers in Buffalo, but he did show signs of the great player from years past on a subpar offense.

Ochocinco is thrilled about playing with T.O., claiming Owens is not past his prime and the two prima donnas have been great friends for a long time and they will not have any problems: “The older you get the finer. It’s like fine wine; it’s better when it’s older… It’s like Batman and Robin. It’s gonna to be like Siskel and Ebert. It’s gonna be like Bonnie and Clyde, but he’s Bonnie. We gonna be fine.”

T.O. has had endless memorable media moments, but they have been more desperate cries for attention: doing sit-ups for the paparazzi in his front yard while holding out or squeezing out fake tears in defense of Tony Romo.

Ochocinco, on the other hand, can make Charles Barkley look like Michael Phelps. I think he should pursue show business after football, but I don’t think reality-dating shows are the right way to capture his hilarity.

T.O. does give Ochocinco a run for his money when it comes to great celebrations. They are quite possibly the two most clever showboaters in sports history. If anyone has ever topped their celebrations, it was this Icelandic soccer team’s effort last week.

Of course it took an entire team effort to top T.O. and Ochocinco, so lets wait to see what they come up with together.

The Gods Must be Angry

Despite Commissioner Roger Goodell’s tightening of regulations on showboating that has caused the NFL to be known as the “No Fun League”, celebrating touchdowns has been a large part of pro football for a long time. This type of behavior has always been more frowned upon in the old-school sport of baseball. As we have recently seen celebrations get more carried away in America’s pastime, it has apparently angered the baseball gods.

In May, Angels' slugger Kendry Morales broke his leg jumping on home plate while celebrating a walk off grand slam. It was a huge blow to the Angels season, since Morales is one of the best young hitters in baseball. It was also a big break (no pun intended) for the Rangers who have been running away with AL West division lead ever since.

Marlins outfielder Chris Coghlan didn’t learn from Morales’ mistake, as he tore his meniscus in his left knee leaping to get his teammate with the old pie in the face, a Krusty the Klown gag that has become a lame, overused way for baseball players to celebrate a win. Coghlan was the 2009 NL rookie of the year and is a major part of the Marlins future. Note to Chris: you throw the baseballs. Let Krusty handle the pies.

Football players have injured themselves celebrating too. In 1997, Redskins journeyman quarterback Gus Frerotte celebrated his one-yard touchdown run by head-butting the padded wall behind the end zone. The only problem was there was concrete behind the padding, and Frerotte sprained his neck and had to leave the game. I don’t blame him though, that wall was talking smack all game.

The Gramatica brothers, Martin and Bill, were kickers who were known to excessively celebrate their field goals. Bill took this to the next level, when he emphatically leaped into the air, reacting to a 42-yard field goal that put the Cardinals up 3-0 in the first half of a regular season game in 2001. He landed hard and tore a ligament in his knee that kept him off the field for the remainder of the season. This is widely considered one of the silliest injuries in sports history and it was a major blow for kickers who want to be considered actual football players (sorry Adam Vinatieri).

Back to Reality

Lucky for them, T.O. and Ochocinco never injured themselves celebrating. With all of the scrutiny they bring upon themselves, they would never hear the end of it. Maybe they’re just better at it. Or maybe wide receivers are tougher than baseball players, kickers and Gus Frerotte.

Something tells me Ochocinco is right about he and T.O. being able to share the spotlight. I think their friendship is genuine and they will respect each other. I’m sure there will be some point in the season when T.O. shares negative views about his team with the media after a tough loss, but at this point in his career I don’t think he will carry on and try to break apart the team.

The Bengals 10-6 record was enough to win the division and this year they might be even better on paper, so naturally they are becoming a hip pick to go to the Super Bowl.

Although they may be better than last year, so is the rest of the AFC. Their division rival Ravens were only one game behind last year, and adding Anquan Boldin to young offensive talents like Joe Flacco and Ray Rice should push them ahead of the Bengals. As for the rest of the conference, the improvement of the Jets and the maturity of the Texans, who are due to for a breakout season, could keep them out of the playoffs all together.

Can Ochocinco and T.O. lead the Bengals to a Super Bowl? Unlikely. Can Ochiocinco and T.O. make every moment of Bengals coverage worth watching? Most Definitely. Grab you popcorn, sit back and enjoy the show.

It's All About LeBron

It’s been over a week since LeBron James made The Decision to join the Miami Heat and play with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. In that time, I’ve realized that there’s no way I can cram all of my scattered thoughts and biased opinions of LeBron and his decision into one blog. I’ll most likely continue to banter about him for the rest of his career, so I’m sure I’ll finish making my point eventually.

Before I begin my rant, I will summarize my feelings. I’m not a fan of LeBron James; meaning everything he does and says just bothers me and I’ll never cheer for him. I am fan of LeBron James; meaning I love to watch him play and I love to discuss, judge and criticize every move he makes on and off the court. I guess you could say I love to hate him. More accurately put, I hate how much love he gets.

Secret Agent Man

For the last few years, the 2010 NBA free agency group has been one of the most talked about subjects in sports. The center of that discussion was always LeBron James. Everyone from President Obama to Betty White had an opinion on where he should go.

Many people have always thought LeBron would stay in Cleveland, close to his hometown of Akron, Ohio and remain with the Cavs for the rest of his career. Others have assumed that Cleveland doesn’t have the allure or the supporting talent to woo LeBron away from teams like New York or Chicago, who had both opened up enough cap space to add LeBron and some.

During all of the speculation, Dwayne Wade announced that he would remain in Miami. He also announced that he and LeBron’s buddy, Chris Bosh, is coming along to help him out. Immediately, there was talk of LeBron following the two stars to South Beach, creating a power trio with the intent of becoming a legendary NBA dynasty. But does LeBron really want to share a team and spotlight with Wade and risk “diminishing his brand”, as Nets Russian billionaire owner Mikhail Prokhorov put it? I certainly didn’t think so. LeBron kept his top-secret information confidential and everyone became obsessed with cracking the case.

Future Over Present

Whether you like it or not, LeBron James is by far the biggest thing in basketball, if not all of sports. Even during the NBA Finals, as Kobe battled Boston for his fifth title as a Laker, LeBron’s next destination seemed to be the hottest topic in hoops.

LeBron James, like Shaquille O’Neal, Paris Hilton and many other athletes and celebrities, enjoys being the center of attention. He loves that his future seems to be more important than Kobe’s achievements. He loves that baseball games are getting bumped to allow non-stop coverage of his offseason. He loves that a World Cup Championship couldn’t make a bigger stir than gossip about him.

I’m not complaining, I love the World Cup, buts its about enough soccer for me for the next… oh, I’ll say four years. I also love the NBA, and the drama and gossip that comes with it, as much as anyone you’ll ever meet. But even I will admit that this went way too far (is this ESPN or VH1?). But LeBron James loves being famous and he’s pretty damn good at it.

The LeBron James Show

As The Decision closed in, LeBron left everyone waiting. This may have seemed cute to people who don’t live in Cleveland, Chicago, New York, New Jersey, or Los Angeles. But especially to his hometown fans in Cleveland, it seemed like he wanted to keep them alive a little bit longer before he ripper their hearts out, threw them on the floor and stomped all over them.

Shortly after LeBron announced that he would reveal his future in a giant prime time reality TV event, solid reports started coming out that he planned to join Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh in Miami. But when he refused to confirm these rumors and insisted on leaving everyone on their toes, I thought he was just hyping up his return to Cleveland.

The Decision dragged on more than The ESPY’s and the Homer Run Derby combined. It began with 15 minutes of pregame coverage led by Stuart Scott, where ESPN’s finest expressed their opinions on what LeBron would and should do, as if that’s not what they had been doing for the past two years. Jim Gray then carried out a long senseless interview full of subsets of the same two questions that made Larry King seem like a challenging interviewer. When did you make this decision? How difficult was it?

For the first time ever, LeBron James looked uncomfortable on camera. It was as if he didn’t want to be there. And he always wants to be everywhere! His normal chin in the air and good posture was reduced to a childish slouch. His cocky swagger was turned into hesitant confusion. He was incredibly uninteresting. At one point I was convinced it was Michael Phelps in a LeBron James costume.

When he finally revealed his decision, he remembered his line, “man, this is tough,” as if he really hadn’t made up his mind at least several days earlier. I still can’t wrap my brain around why he would do this. I know he loves being famous, and he certainly didn’t hurt that. But I also thought he loved being loved, and that certainly took a major hit last Thursday.

LeBron James has always been the perceived as “the good guy” of the NBA, despite his arrogance in press conferences and overboard showboating on the court. I have always been frustrated by the premature crowning of the so-called “King” and the idea that he is the greatest player in the game today, which is a credit that has always come with championships in the NBA. Usually several. All of the sudden people are seeing him as the villain of the league. I can’t help but have an “I told you so” attitude about it.

“I’m going to take my talents to South Beach.” That’s how LeBron James announced his decision. It took him quite some time to mention three things: Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh and the Miami Heat. None of them came up much. The vast majority of the press conference was about how LeBron came to his decision, how LeBron feels about the situation, and what LeBron plans and expects for LeBron’s new team.

Right off the bat, Wade is learning that even in an arena that Wade has repetitively made clear is “his house”, LeBron needs to be “the King” and Wade needs to move some of his stuff to make room for LeBron's giant thrown.

Wade on Your Shoulders

LeBron’s Decision to join Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh will likely earn him rings, but the weight he now has to carry is massive. The knock on Kobe when compared to Jordan has always been that he won three rings with Shaq. Well Jordan won six rings and Kobe has won five, two without Shaq (and counting). I think its safe to say Wade and Bosh are a much better combo of sidekicks than anyone Kobe ever had, let alone Jordan.

Now, if LeBron wants to be in the argument for the greatest player ever, he must win at least five rings. No more bad supporting cast. No more doing it all by himself. No more excuses. Not to mention as long as they’re both on the Heat he will always have one less ring than Wade.

Speaking of Rings…

While always remaining confident, maybe even to a fault, about his expectations of himself and his team, LeBron James has never offered guarantees or promised any titles. Maybe there was something in the arena, other than the smoke from the fireworks and the noise of 13,000 screaming Miami fans, but at the Heat’s rally that celebrated the assembling of LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh, he was in a different state of mind.

LeBron began to tell his new fans that they plan on bringing home championships. “Not two, not three, not four, not five…” He kept going as Dwayne Wade began laughing hysterically to cope with his frustration. But LeBron didn’t stop, “Not six, not seven. And when I say that, I really believe it.”

LeBron is predicting more championships than years on his contract. Now that’s setting the bar high. Although, he clearly understands how hard it is to win championships, since he’s won not four, not three, not two, not one, but zero so far in his career.

Nothing Personal

I’ll admit it was impossible for me to write this without hammering home the fact that I’ve never been a LeBron James fan. I think he still has work to do before being compared to Jordan, or even Kobe, who both earned their reputations with leadership and postseason success and that LeBron James has not yet achieved. Still, I respect his decision to play for any team he chooses.

I personally would rather see LeBron James and Dwayne Wade on different teams competing for championships. Playing for Wade’s team in Wade’s city where Wade will always be the favorite will hurt his legacy. And he will never reach the respect and loyalty in Miami that he received in Cleveland, or that he would have received in Chicago or New York.

LeBron James made his decision: To play for the Miami Heat. In the process he’s taking a lot of heat. He’s taking on Cleveland, New York, and NBA fans across the globe. He’s taking on Jordan, Kobe, Magic and Bird. He’s taking on Russian billionaires, American Presidents and washed up actresses. LeBron James is taking on the world.